Research examines how asexual, aromantic individuals view intimacy to improve education, counseling

LAWRENCE — When people talk about asexual or aromantic people, they tend to define them as people without interest in sex or romance in a traditional sense, lacking something society assumes most people inherently possess. While it is known that the population does have relationships and builds connections with others, new research is helping to better define how they view intimacy in their lives.

A study led by the University of Kansas conducted interviews and surveys with nearly 70 undergraduate and graduate students from several countries to better understand how they view and define their relationships. Both asexual and aromantic individuals exist on a spectrum, and Amanda Mollet, associate professor of educational leadership & policy studies at KU, has conducted research on the experiences of historically minoritized individuals.

“The more we dug into this, the more we found it helped people understand their relationships. Before, language tended to focus on deficits,” Mollet said. “Instead of thinking of this as something lacking, because we know these folks have relationships, we want to know how they conceive of them.”

In surveying and interviewing young people in the population, known as a-spec, researchers asked them about their healthy intimate relationships. Results showed the respondents did not view them as lacking. Instead, they confirmed a scale Mollet and colleagues had developed with 12 aspects of intimacy: Platonic, emotional, access, authenticity, activity, familial, intellectual, values-based, spiritual, sensual, erotic and sexual.

One of the most consistent findings was that nearly all participants, of varying ages, nationalities and experiences, had difficulty defining romance or romantic experiences. Several gave examples of what they thought society considered romantic, like a candlelit dinner or nice restaurant reservation on an anniversary.

“For those who do feel it, it could be an alignment or combination of the 12 areas,” Mollet said. “I think that shows the value of relationships and intimacy beyond just someone you might have a traditionally romantic relationship with.”

Respondents consistently rated authenticity as one of the most important types of intimacy to them. A partner understanding them, who they are and what’s important to them was one of the most important factors of a relationship to the respondents. Examples including one person who said their partner understood they struggle with crowds and noise due to autism and would often bring them headphones, or a partner who recognized dietary needs and regularly cooked or provided food that met them.

Relationship research and popular culture have commonly largely grouped sensual, erotic and sexual intimacy together. Study participants indicated they view them differently, with open, honest communication and holding hands fitting erotic and sensual intimacy, respectively.

The study, written with Shay Valley of the University of Buffalo and Brynn Fitzsimmons of the University of Alabama, was published in the Journal of Sex Research.

Research in a-spec individuals regularly draws on individuals who are members of online asexual or aromantic communities. The study’s authors wanted to focus on college students, however, for several reasons: First, it is the time in many young people’s lives when they are first learning about themselves and experiencing intimate relationships in an adult setting. Second, better understanding all types of relationships and how people build connections can help educators, care workers, student support professionals and others guide young people at a fraught time.

There is currently a mental health crisis among college-aged young people, and research has consistently shown that healthy relationships contribute greatly to both mental health and overall well-being. Mollet and colleagues hope to continue researching relationships of all types and to build a model of intimacy and healthy relationships, including tools that could help people build intimacy profiles, that better help people understand themselves, how they connect with others, their own needs and how they all fit together.

“How do we help folks think about how they connect? The hope is by breaking it down and helping people understand there are many types of ways they can build connections and helping build them in ways that are healthy and meet their needs,” Mollet said. “People are increasingly pushing back on societal norms in things like friendship, social connections and romantic relationships, but may not have the models for how to do that in a healthy way.”